January 24, 2022
By Nancy M. Gray, MED, LMFT
1. Keep Your Children Out of the Middle
Parents who can remember that their children love both their parents will have the best chance to have healthy and happy children during the divorce process.
How do you accomplish this?
It is simple if you follow a few do’s and dont’s.
DO NOT ask your kids to take sides.
DO NOT ask your kids to carry messages from you to the other parent.
DO NOT badmouth the other parent.
DO support your child spending time with the other parent.
DO act respectfully toward the other parent when your child is present.
DO think about future family events — graduations, weddings, and school events and visualize how you want your child to feel about your family in the future.
2. Reassure Your Children
Research shows that children of all ages will worry that the divorce is their fault.
Thoughts like “If only I had been a better child and done my homework and chores on time, then maybe my parents would not be getting a divorce” — is a common worry for children.
Your children need to be reassured that:
“The divorce is not your fault. You did nothing to cause the divorce.”
“We both still love you. Nothing can change that.”
“We will do as much as possible to keep your lives the same.”
3. Take Care of Yourself
As a parent going through a divorce, it is important to remember to take care of yourself.
Consider getting support from family, friends, clergy and professionals.
Be sure never to use your children — even your teen or adult children — as your confidantes during the divorce process.
Remember to get adequate sleep, exercise, and try to eat a healthy diet whenever possible.
Your health and well-being is key, and will help your children feel balanced and secure, especially as you go through the ups and downs of the divorce process.
Remember to follow these three simple tips and watch your children thrive!